Does your inner critic stop you from exuding the confidence and executive presence necessary for success?
You’re not alone.
Many business owners and professionals experience self-doubt that holds them back from reaching their full potential.
Naomi’s story: Battling self-doubt in sales
Take Naomi, a business owner who points to her “inner b!tch” as the culprit who makes up excuses to avoid sales calls.
“I’m out of practice”.
“They responded to an old campaign – why would they want to talk to me now?”
“I’m not a salesperson”
Despite getting referrals, these thoughts stop Naomi from achieving her new revenue target.
Karen’s experience: Struggling with assertiveness
Similarly, Karen, a procurement leader, struggles with self-doubt and a fear of rejection. While well-liked by colleagues for her helpfulness, her use of tentative language – phrases like “I think”, “maybe” – dilutes her ability to confidently present recommendations to executives.
Brett’s challenge: Overcompensating to prove competence
Brett, a lawyer, is concerned others don’t see him as competent, so compensates by oversharing information. He yearns to transition from “white-knuckling” his way through anxiety to become a trusted advisor who offers just the right amount of information.
Do any of these sound familiar?
Does your self-doubt leave you frozen in hesitation, stuck in analysis paralysis, or second-guessing yourself?
Naomi, Karen and Brett’s experiences are common. Luckily, they’re also coachable. Recognising how your limiting beliefs are shaping your reality and stunting your potential is the first step to change.
Whether your inner critic leaves you with a foot on the brake, or pumping the accelerator with no clear map of where you’re going, here are 10 steps to help you rewrite the script.
10 steps to transform your inner critic
1. Identify negative thinking loops.
- “Neurons that fire together, wire together” so, to interrupt the transmission, you first need to catch the recurring self-defeating thinking patterns.
2. Dig deeper to uncover core beliefs.
- Ask yourself “If that were true, what does it mean?” (For example, if “I’m not a salesperson” is true, what does that mean? If ”I’m not going to make it” is true, what does that mean? This can help you identify core beliefs, like “I’m a failure”, and challenge them).
3. Recognise the emotional impact.
- Reflect on how the thoughts affect you emotionally, somatically and behaviourally. What do you feel? Where do you feel that in your body? This helps you tune out of the mind and into the body.
- You can also inquire into “What benefit does holding onto this belief have?”, “What emotion could I be suppressing or avoiding by going into my head?”, “What unmet need might be driving this thought or feeling (e.g. safety, self-esteem, connection)?”, “How would not believing this thought impact my identity and life?”
- Instead of criticising yourself for having unhelpful thoughts or feelings, practice kindness. Acknowledge your gifts and quirks as part of your authentic self. This creates emotional safety, allowing you to sit with uncomfortable feelings without judgement, knowing “this too will pass”.
- Calming your nervous system is also an important step to process difficult emotions, reducing your reactivity and enabling you to see thoughts more objectively. Try a practice like placing a hand on your heart and belly while breathing deeply. You can also use EFT – tapping specific points on your body and repeating affirmations like “Even though I feel this way, I deeply and completely accept myself”.
5. Create distance from your thoughts.
- Remember the words of Eckhart Tolle, “You are not your thoughts”.
- Use cognitive defusion techniques (from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to get distance and reduce the intensity of unhelpful thoughts, by looking at them rather than from them. For example:
- Name your thoughts: “There goes the ‘I’m a failure’ story again”.
- Use humour: Sing your thoughts or use a silly voice to take them less seriously.
- Use imagery or metaphors: See you thoughts as clouds passing you by.
6. Challenge limiting beliefs.
- Our negativity bias means our brains are wired to focus on threats so counter this by recalling past successes (e.g. instead of “I’m not a salesperson”, remember positive client interactions).
- “Zoom out” to see the bigger picture rather than getting lost in specific moments.
- Put yourself in others’ shoes (e.g. reflect on what your clients or colleagues would say about your strengths).
7. Consciously choose empowering thoughts.
- Ask yourself “What would my Inner Champion, or compassionate self, say?” (This can help you shift from “I’m not good enough” to “I’m learning every day”, or “I can’t do that” to “I can’t do that yet“).
- Anchor new beliefs by noticing how they make you feel, training your body to make the unfamiliar more familiar. (Studies show contractive body posture is negatively associated with positive affect and felt power, so practice embodying empowering emotions to uplift your mood and presence).
8. Reinforce through mental rehearsal and acting “as if”.
- As thinking and doing share similar neural pathways, visualise yourself acting, thinking and feeling like your Inner Champion. (Research shows mental rehearsal is a common technique used by athletes to enhance motor performance and motivation).
- Take action! Step outside your comfort zone to challenge self-imposed limitations and cement change. Start small, but take consistent steps to put theory into practice and rewrite the narrative.
9. Form authentic connections
- Be vulnerable and share what’s coming up for you emotionally so you realise you’re not alone in this human experience. Set boundaries, express your need for (and be willing to receive) support, and listen to others with an open mind and heart. Genuine connections create a safe space for growth, so learn to accept imperfections in yourself and others.
10. Train your brain for success
- Set goals and give yourself permission to celebrate successes. Acknowledging your strengths and wins helps to build momentum toward lasting transformation.
- Adopt healthy lifestyle habits. Research shows exercise, sleep and diet contributes to learning and emotional well-being. Also, while studies indicate that mild stress can enhance memory, chronic stress impairs decision making – so reduce cortisol through healthy habits, and shifting your attention to what’s within your control.
By following these steps, you can quiet your inner critic and amplify your inner champion to unlock your full potential.
