Feeling overworked and underappreciated?
Seen as a high achiever but wondering where the rewards are to match your hard work and sacrifices?
In today’s fast-paced world, many feel disillusioned by the gap between their efforts and the recognition they receive.
Recently, I coached three ambitious leaders who felt the weight of unmet expectations. They juggled multiple roles, spearheaded projects, and worked long hours. Despite adding value and saving the company money, the recognition they craved remained elusive. This led to mounting frustration, declining confidence and, at times, an attitude of entitlement.
Many small business owners feel similarly isolated, unappreciated by their teams, and aggravated when expectations aren’t met.
So what’s driving these expectations and accompanying disappointment?
The root causes often include:
- Unmet emotional needs: A desire for validation or significance can create a cycle of disappointment as we chase external carrots rather than pursue something for genuine enjoyment or growth.
- Internalised high standards: Our upbringing and past experiences can shape workaholic or people pleasing tendencies. When others aren’t meeting the same standards, entitlement can creep in.
- Comparison and fears of inadequacy: Fears of falling behind can push us to compete for success or praise, leaving us perpetually dissatisfied and disconnected from our achievements.
- Misaligned values: When personal values aren’t reflected or supported in the workplace, we can struggle to find purpose and meaning in our work.
How to break free from entitlement
If you resonate with these challenges, ask yourself:
- Is your resentment rooted in unmet emotional needs or internalised standards? Does your achievement drive stem from a belief that your value is contingent on accomplishments or keeping others happy? A belief that’s fuelling over-functioning behaviours and burnout?
- Are you holding others responsible for your choices? Are you operating based on a mistaken idea of what you “have to” do – unintentionally giving away your power?
- Are you assuming that what YOU see as valuable should also be valued by others? Have you asked what’s important to them? Understood their challenges? Sought feedback on your performance?
It’s not easy, I get it. Many organisations are under-resourced and people are pushed to their limits. And for organisations to thrive, there needs to be a culture of engagement, where contributions are valued. But focusing on unmet expectations reinforces a mindset of lack. Great leaders stand out by embodying the qualities they value and creating a positive ripple effect on others.
So how can you shift from feeling entitled to empowered?
- Question your beliefs and expectations: Challenge the cognitive biases impacting your mood. Consider:
- Where do your expectations come from? Are they reasonable? How can you be sure?
- Are you mind-reading what’s important to others?
- Are you expecting validation from others that you’re failing to give yourself?
- Can you release the expectation that others will always meet your standards or recognise your efforts in the way you’d like?
- Explore your drivers: Tap into your intrinsic motivations.
- Are you chasing extrinsic goals at the expense of internal satisfaction, personal well-being and genuine connections?
- What lights you up?
- Can you acknowledge your own accomplishments?
- Take responsibility: Focus on what’s within your Circle of Control.
- When do you hold others responsible for your choices?
- How can you set boundaries, clarify expectations, and prioritise your own well-being?
- Embody authenticity: Lead from a place of integrity.
- What do you want to stand for as a leader?
- Why is that important to you?
- How can you embody those qualities now?
- Are you offering the recognition, gratitude and feedback to others that you seek for yourself?
- Focus on learning: Balance outcome-driven actions with a mindset of continuous growth.
- What skills and insights have you gained recently?
- How can you further stretch your comfort zone?
- How can you facilitate learning in your team and empower them to take ownership?
- Can you balance retrospective lag measures of success (e.g. a promotion) with predictive and influenceable lead indicators (e.g. skill development and network expansion)?
- Can you solicit feedback to cultivate greater self-awareness and authentic relationships?
- Think big: Demonstrate strategic prowess by prioritising what truly matters, and avoid the trap of overwork and exhaustion.
- What activities will best contribute to strategy execution?
- What can you say no to?
- How can you partner with others to achieve strategic goals?
By shifting your focus from what you have not yet gained to the lessons you’ve learned and qualities you aspire to embody, you can experience fulfillment today and pave the way for future growth. Let go of entitlement, embrace growth, and take charge of your leadership journey today.
