Struggling to make progress on the commitments you make to yourself? Before you criticise your lack of discipline, look deeper.
Kegan and Lahey’s Immunity to Change model is a powerful framework to reveal the hidden commitments and beliefs that quietly work against you. Their framework suggests you can break free from old patterns and take intentional steps towards your goals by exploring:
- (a) your commitment
- (b) actions you’re doing/not doing instead
- (c) hidden competing commitments
- (d) big assumptions (core beliefs or generalisations about yourself, others or the world)
Real talk: The fear of honest feedback
I recently facilitated a workshop where business owners were paired to go through the model and help each other challenge a big assumption that was holding them back. One bravely shared a commitment he struggled to follow through on: giving honest feedback to his team.
What was he doing instead? Avoiding robust conversations.
Why? His hidden competing commitment to maintain his likability and retain staff was at odds with his goal.
When the pair shared that the solution they discussed was to outsource challenging conversations to an external HR professional, I asked, “What’s the big assumption you’re challenging here?“
The leader paused. Reflecting back, I offered: “It sounds like you believe that “If I speak my truth, people will leave – whether it’s the friendship or the organisation.”
This belief, likely rooted in their formative years, was dictating his present behavior.
Challenging big assumptions: Reframing feedback
We then explored ways they might test this assumption so, instead of seeing feedback as a threat, it could become a tool for growth and trust.
- Reframe the narrative: Could feedback be positioned as an investment in his team’s growth?
- Start small: Could they offer constructive feedback in low-stake situations to observe how it affects relationships?
- Test assumptions: Are people really as fragile or reactive as he assumed?
The result? A mindset shift – from fearing disconnection to viewing feedback as an opportunity to deepen trust, strengthen loyalty and foster genuine connection.
Another hidden commitment in action
Here’s another scenario that might resonate:
- Commitment: Spend more time on strategy by delegating effectively.
- Doing/not doing instead: Delivery work.
- Hidden competing commitments: A fear that others aren’t reliable enough and a belief that perfectionism is the only way to earn respect.
- Big assumption(s):
- “If I delegate, mistakes will derail everything and I’ll still be accountable”.
- “If I’m not hands-on and everything isn’t flawless, I’ll lose credibility”.
To challenge these assumptions:
- Reframe the narrative: Could delegation empower your team while freeing you up for higher-value tasks? Is perfectionism the only way to earn respect, or could progress also make a difference?
- Start small: Delegate smaller projects or low-stake tasks.
- Seek evidence: Do others step up when you trust them? Do imperfections really damage credibility?
Leadership is action, not just awareness
Overcoming the barriers to growth isn’t just about reflection – it’s about action. By identifying your hidden commitments and testing the assumptions holding you back, you can create the space for growth, trust, and authenticity in your leadership.
Your turn:
- Identify your commitment: What’s one goal you deeply want to achieve but aren’t making progress on?
- Uncover hidden commitments: What fears or unspoken priorities might be shaping your actions?
- Challenge Big Assumptions: What belief is holding you back that you could challenge to transform your leadership potential?
