We all juggle different roles – ambitious professional, dependable friend, dedicated parent. But what happens when these identities stop feeling like choices and start feeling like cages? Have you ever wondered “who am I beneath all this?”
When roles take over
A client of mine felt the weight of the masks she wore. On the outside, she was thriving – business boss by day, supermom by night. On the inside? She was running on empty. Her to-do list rivaled the length of a novel and she constantly felt like she wasn’t doing enough.
Sound familiar?
When we started to unpack the goals she had for each role, she realised her self-worth was tied to ticking every box. The problem? Those boxes were never-ending. She wasn’t living; she was performing. And the drive to meet the often unspoken (and invalidated) expectations tied to these roles left her feeling disconnected from her own needs and desires. When she gave herself permission to pause and rethink what mattered, she discovered success wasn’t in doing more – it was in being more herself.
Balancing roles without losing yourself
Once she stopped aiming for perfection and began embracing her whole self, things shifted. She confidently raised her rates, redefined her ideal client, hired a new team member, and – most importantly – took time to breathe. She shifted from chasing external validation to honouring her time and energy.
This shift allowed her to show up fully – not just as a businesswoman or mother, but a whole person who deserved guilt-free moments of rest, connection and self-expression.
Ready to drop the mask? Here’s how:
- Spot the masks
Are you the “always in control” leader, the “always available” or “gregarious” friend, or the “selfless parent”? Notice where you might be performing instead of being. Pay attention to the parts of yourself you suppress to fit a role – your creativity, sensitivity, boldness or even your need for rest. - Rethink the “shoulds”
What unwritten rules are you following? Who decided these were the rules? And are they actually serving you? Challenge the beliefs that keep you stuck. If an expectation doesn’t align with your values, rewrite it. - Breathe into fears (and surrender the illusion of control)
As Fritz Perls said, “Fear is excitement without the breath.” Notice where fear shows up in your body and breathe through the discomfort. Fear fades when you meet it with presence instead of resistance. And when it tries to convince you that everything will fall apart if you let go a little? Recognise where you’re gripping too tightly. Control is an illusion – the more you force outcomes, the more you exhaust yourself. Trust that clarity and opportunities emerge when you create space for them. And remember, no one is watching as closely as you think – they’re too busy managing their own chaos. - Reconnect with what lights you up
What brings you joy? Lean into that. Whether it’s hiking, painting, music or socialising, prioritise activities that bring you peace and alignment. Joy isn’t a reward; it’s a roadmap back to yourself. Prioritise it. - Carve out “you” time
Set boundaries around your time and energy. Say no to what drains you and yes to what recharges you. You’re not a machine – you’re human. Solitude isn’t selfish; it’s essential for quietening egoic concerns and tuning into your true self. - Embody authenticity.
Drop the act and allow yourself to be fully seen – flaws, quirks, brilliance and all. If you’ve always been the logical one, explore your creative side. If you’re usually the quiet supporter, practice being the bold voice in the room. The more you own your truth, the more you’ll inspire others to do the same.
Living true to yourself beyond your roles
Next time you catch yourself blurring the line between who you are and what you do, take a step back. Ask: Who am I without the labels?
You’re not walking away from responsibility – you’re walking toward authenticity. Success isn’t just what you achieve in different roles; it’s the quality of your experience living them.
So, what mask will you drop today?
